just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
