You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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