yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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