you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's never too late to be topless.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
