I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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