We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
