Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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