I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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