a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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