You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
