do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
