We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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