dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
