It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
