Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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