Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
