just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
