I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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