apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I touched a dick in church today
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
