Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
