He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
