why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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