Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
