Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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