Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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