just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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