I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so let's talk penis.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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