cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
