whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
