she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sext me about skeletons
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
