Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
