She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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