You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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