he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
