Where are you?
In a non slutty way
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
