I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
