and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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