One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
