every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
