He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
