I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
