When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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