well you can't waste a boner
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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