I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
