When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
