as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
