I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
