So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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