Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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