This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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