the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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