I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
They have beer where we have blood.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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