More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
