I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
