make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
