Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
