You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
