I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
