I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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