Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
